GenieKnows Games Narrowing the field

While many gamers are upset over Nintendo's E3 conference due to a variety of perceived missteps, I believe these were not missteps but deliberate attempts to troll their own fan base. Why you might ask? I think the real question to ask is why not? Nintendo is basically rolling in cash from the Wii. The Nintendo DS basically prints money. Nintendo has nothing to prove other than they can do whatever they want this generation.

There's no reason for Nintendo to put out quality games anymore as they can make "Draw the stick figure" and it will sell more copies than any multi-million dollar title. All that's left for Nintendo to do is go out with a bang and alienate all the old core gamers.

 1.    Cammie Dunaway

Cammie Dunaway is your typical soccer mom who thinks all violent video games will turn children into murders.  Naturally, Nintendo thought Cammie would be the best possible fit to host their E3 press conference as she can play to that key 3-5 year old demographic.  Nintendo was also smart to have Cammie host their E3 press conference as she embodies all the qualities that make a great speaker for a video game company:

• Over medicated: Check
• Smile that rivals the Joker: Check
• Beyond Phony: Check
• Thinking a power point presentation of her family’s snowboarding trip would be interesting to anyone: Check
• No clue about video gaming in general: Check

2.    Carrot Top Presents: Annoying Laughter and Snowboarding

I don’t know how Nintendo did it, but they managed to find someone even more annoying and phony than Cammie.  Shaun White’s snowboarding features exciting game controls like tilting left and right on an overpriced piece of plastic.  Check out how much fun Shaun and Cammie have tearin’ up the virtual slopes (Bonus points if you can spot when Shaun realizes he sold all his dignity to be in a mediocre Wii game).

3.    1:1 Motion Control

You might be wondering how the Wii Motion Plus could possibly be a bad thing for gamers and the truth is it’s not.  So why is it included on the list? Well, namely due to the cost associated for the 1:1 functionality which should have been incorporated with the Wii at launch.  For 30 dollars, you get a bulky extension to the Wii mote which drains batteries at an increased rate, thanks Nintendo.

4.    Zero Interesting Games

Nintendo's upcoming games for the Wii and DS were essentially a middle finger to actual gamers who own their systems:

• Shaun White Snowboarding
• Animal Crossing: City Folk
• Star Wars: Clone Wars
• Rayman Raving Rabbits
• Call of Duty: World at War
• Guitar Hero on Tour: Decades
• Spore Creatures
• Pokemon Ranger
• Grand Theft Auto: Chinatown Wars
• Wii Sports Resort
• Wii Music

None of these games incites any sort of excitement toward the future of the Wii or DS.  It's as though they forgot that some people want to play a game that is not a compilation of mini games.  At least little Timmy can look forward to “press the buttons to make mono sounding music”.

5.    Cammie Dunaway Post Conference Interview

While this interview was conducted after Nintendo’s press conference, I think it’s worth mentioning only for how poorly Cammie answered every question.  Watch as Cammie smiles excessively to the point where her mouth is trying to escape her face while she evades every single question that Game Trailers asks.  How Game Trailers restrained themselves from not violently lashing out against Cammie during the interview is beyond me.

6.    Storage Issue Ignored

One of the major complaints concerning the Wii is the lack of storage space for the Wii Virtual Console games.  Currently the Wii can hold a beefy 512 Megs which would be plenty – if the year was 1990 – so you would think their E3 conference would the perfect opportunity to announce an expansion to the Wii’s storage space - right?  Wrong, not one single mention of any sort of solution to the storage issue.  Nintendo even failed to mention anything concerning upcoming Wiiware games.

7.    Wii Music Performance

The demoing of Wii Music was the ultimate troll job by Nintendo. While you may have chalked the previous reasons up as poor judgment on the part of Nintendo, there is simply no way this could be anything other than a deliberate attempt for Nintendo to troll their fan base.

Simply put, nobody in their right mind could have thought that a bunch of middle aged men and women tapping a Wii mote to produce "quality" mono sounding Mario themed music while jerking their bodies around in awkward motions was a good idea.  Either the employees at Nintendo have a serious drinking problem or this was a well orchestrated prank.